“...the person you marry.”

I have to say, writers and bloggers have been getting a lot of mileage out of Susan Patton; I previously wrote two articles about her original article in the Daily Princetonian, Elite Family Planning and Anything But Egalitarian. Since then she has gained a lot of attention and made TV appearances while experts and people with too many opinions have attacked or defended her. In her most recent article, Valentine’s Straight Talk at the Wall Street Journal, she gives out advice much in the same vein as her original article.

To start off, I will look at two quotes focusing on the male gender.

“Those men who are as well-educated as you are often interested in younger, less challenging women.”

“Once you're living off campus and in the real world, you'll be stunned by how smart the men are not.”

I am not sure what to say about this, but I guess as a man not only am I not that smart, but I am only interested in younger, less challenging women. (Although my wife is younger than me, she challenges me everyday.) Right off the bat these two quotes are negative and do not give the article a positive tone.

“Could you marry a man who isn't your intellectual or professional equal?...When the conversation turns to Jean Cocteau or Henrik Ibsen, the Bayeux Tapestry or Noam Chomsky, you won't find that glazed look that comes over his face at all appealing.”

I have a glazed look over my face. I am not familiar with Cocteau or Isben and I have three graduate degrees but they are in music and business, not literature. I would hesitate giving advice about conversation topics with potential mates based on your personal interests; what happens if the conversation turned to Heinrich Schutz, Anton Bruckner, the 1873 Winchester, and Muddy Waters. Would you have a glazed look on your face?

My other problem with this statement is she uses the term equal. Using the term equal is a slippery slope and although she used the terms intellectual and professional, everything about her persona and her writings are associated with Princeton. When talking about Princeton and the Ivy League, I feel for anyone who has to find their equal because 99% of the country is not (I used the percentage!).

“And if you start to earn more than he does? Forget about it. Very few men have egos that can endure what they will see as a form of emasculation.”

I know there are manly men who want to provide everything for their families, but when it comes to the people I know, the family budget rules. If my wife made more than me, and she did for several years, I would and was happy as a clam. I guess if you were a power couple and each made a quarter mil$$on each, egos might get it in way (two-way street).

“An extraordinary education is the greatest gift you can give yourself.”

I agree that education, in whatever form, is a gift. Depending on who you are, where you are from, and your abilities and resources, what that education looks like will vary. Since Mrs. Patton uses the term extraordinary when describing education I can only assume she means Ivy and Ivy equivalents. I am, who I am because of my extraordinary educational experience. But be wary of making statements about the extraordinary because the concept of equality comes back and I seriously doubt learning outcomes at Princeton are that much better than at other extraordinary institutions around the country. (There is no way to compare learning outcomes because assessment data does not exist between institutions, but we can compare how successful alumni are and when doing this, Princeton would win hands-down!)

The one quote that I really like and needs just a little tweak:

“Despite all of the focus on professional advancement, for most of you the cornerstone of your future happiness will be the man you marry.”

First, I would change this to “the person you marry.” I agree that much of your happiness depends on the person you marry or decide to spend your life with. This does not mean that you cannot be happy alone, you can, but her message, and I would agree with her that people who want a partner, that person is key to your and their happiness. The problem is that she gets bogged down; equals, intellectually brilliant conversations, corporate stardom, emasculation, how much money he makes, grandmotherly messages, et cetera.

Maybe it is because I went to school in the provinces that most of her message gets lost on me but my only advice for men and women in college looking for love is focus on yourself, focus on your chosen partner, and love each other no matter the job, the intellectual prowess, and/or the abundance/lack of money (and don’t screw it up by having an affair, being overly lazy, or being addicted to drugs).