Part One: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Quotes)

The first part of How to Win Friends and Influence People is called, Part One: Fundamental Technique in Handling People. Below are my favorite quotes from part one of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment (p. 5).

“It taught him [Lincoln] an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people. Never again will he write an insulting letter. Never again did he ridicule anyone. And from time on, he almost never criticized anybody for anything (p. 9).

“If you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across decades and endure until death, just let us indulge in a little stinging criticism--no matter how certain we are that it is justified” (p. 12-13).

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity” (p. 13).

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving” (p. 13).

Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism: and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness” (p. 16).

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

“There is only one way...to get anybody to do anything...And that is by making the other person want to do it” (p. 17).

“William James said: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated’...Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger” (p. 18).

“If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you” (p. 19).

“If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity” (p. 22).

“We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem...but we neglect to give them kind words or appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like music of the morning stars” (p. 25).

“Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish, and insincere. It out to fail and it usually does” (p. 26).

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere” (p. 27).

“Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation” (p. 29).

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.  

“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow, when you are trying to get someone to do something” (p. 31).

Harry A. Overstreet...“‘First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way” (p. 32).

“Tomorrow you may want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’” (p. 33).

Henry Ford...“‘If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own” (p. 35).

“Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation” (p. 42).

“Most people go through college and learn to read Virgil and master the mysteries of calculus without ever discovering how their own mind functions” (p. 43).

Reference:

Carnegie, D. (1936). How to Win Friends & Influence People. New York, NY: Gallery Books.