Part One: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In my previous post I included all of my favorite quotes from part one of How to Win Friends and Influence People. The quotes I chose were either particularly wise bits of advice by Dale Carnegie or excellent quotes from great leaders and everyday people.

The advice that Carnegie shares in part one, chapters one through three, is probably the best advice I have ever read in relation to dealing with people. His advice is sound, brief, and to the point. The first three chapters are boiled down into three principles:

• Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain;

• Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation;
• Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.  

I could stop the article right here after reading these principles but it is not that easy. To be able to interact with people, and especially when you are their supervisor is challenging. One word, one turn of phrase, one misstep can destroy a person who looks to you for leadership and direction. To live these principles it takes constant focus, careful choice of words, and an honest interest in others to truly be effective.

Principle One

When people skim over Principle one they downplay it as simplistic and childish. Real people, smart people who are worldly and educated are critical and hard hitting. I agree that when presented with facts that need bold action one must be critical and hard hitting, but it is all how you do it.

Will you tear someone down for doing an honest day’s work by criticizing their work, condemning their product, and complaining about the outcome? Or will you will acknowledge the countless hours of grueling work they have done and collaborate with them to improve and move forward?

Principle Two

Principle two seems easy; appreciate the people around you. What makes this complicated? We do. As humans, we are sometimes controlled by our emotions and at times we are inconsistent. From one day to the next we might present a different face to the people we work with and this inconsistency affects them.

Why would you appreciate someone who is moody and inconsistent? Why would you appreciate someone who is constantly opposing your work and denying your proposals?

You give appreciation to the people around you because we all desire and crave appreciation. We want our and successes to be acknowledged and we want our hard work to be complimented. As a supervisor it is better to communicate with a smile, and give honest and sincere appreciation, than communicate with a frown and be apathetic to the person in front of you.

Principle Three

Finally Principle three, the most difficult. When working with people, especially when you are their supervisor, how do you arouse an eager want? How do you get them want to do what you want them to do?

Well, you can say, “do your job.” True, we all have to do our jobs and perform the tasks assigned but that is not leading, that is not motivating, that is not creating any lasting loyalty or dedication. The best way to ‘get’ people to do their jobs is to look them in the eyes and say ‘thank you for doing a great job.’

By talking to people, by looking them in the eyes, and by listening to the words they say you lay a foundation of trust and through that trust you will get an eager want.

Now that I have gone over part one of How to Win Friends and Influence People I will restate the question I posed from my Forward: If this book is so simple, why doesn’t everyone follow its principles?