Part One: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Quotes)

The first part of How to Win Friends and Influence People is called, Part One: Fundamental Technique in Handling People. Below are my favorite quotes from part one of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment (p. 5).

“It taught him [Lincoln] an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people. Never again will he write an insulting letter. Never again did he ridicule anyone. And from time on, he almost never criticized anybody for anything (p. 9).

“If you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across decades and endure until death, just let us indulge in a little stinging criticism--no matter how certain we are that it is justified” (p. 12-13).

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity” (p. 13).

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving” (p. 13).

Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism: and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness” (p. 16).

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

“There is only one way...to get anybody to do anything...And that is by making the other person want to do it” (p. 17).

“William James said: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated’...Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger” (p. 18).

“If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you” (p. 19).

“If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity” (p. 22).

“We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem...but we neglect to give them kind words or appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like music of the morning stars” (p. 25).

“Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish, and insincere. It out to fail and it usually does” (p. 26).

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere” (p. 27).

“Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation” (p. 29).

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.  

“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow, when you are trying to get someone to do something” (p. 31).

Harry A. Overstreet...“‘First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way” (p. 32).

“Tomorrow you may want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’” (p. 33).

Henry Ford...“‘If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own” (p. 35).

“Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation” (p. 42).

“Most people go through college and learn to read Virgil and master the mysteries of calculus without ever discovering how their own mind functions” (p. 43).

Reference:

Carnegie, D. (1936). How to Win Friends & Influence People. New York, NY: Gallery Books.

All Music is Original. No Music is Original

All music is original. No music is original.

In my previous article about my music, I went over my compositional focus and my history as a composer from the time I was 14 until present day. Today I truly believe in the duality of music; while all music is original, no music is original.

What do I mean by all music is original? Well, every piece of music that is composed and performed is original in some way. Whatever you write is original to the time and place it it composed. Whatever you write is original to you and your compositional approach. When you perform music your performance is original; it is original to the time and place you perform it.

My view of originality might seem a little touchy-feely and everyone gets a gold star because it is. Music, and art in general, is just that, art. The art of creation is such a unique and individual experience that no matter what you create it is special and precious to you. If you write a children’s song that is simple, fun, and only uses one chord it is original in its own right. If you write a symphony that needs 1,000 performers and takes an hour to perform, it is original in its own right..

Music is unique in that it connects people in a way that other art forms do not. It emotionally connects people via sounds for a limited duration of time. Because of this music is limited and is essentially scarce (most do not think of it that way since music is everywhere you go). When we listen to music we connect to it, we love it because it has our full attention and when it is gone we miss and desire it.

Now the other side, what do I mean that no music is original? Just that; no matter what you write or perform it is a rare occasion that anything you might write or perform, according to the definition, is actually original.

When the Beatles burst upon the US scene in 1964 was their music original? No. If you analyze “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, “Blackbird”, or “I am the Walrus” are these songs original? No. They use standard melodies, use mostly standard harmonies, sometimes have creative lyrics, and use some interesting instrumentation. Is four good looking guys performing on stage original even if they have awesome hair? No. Let’s move back in time; was Johann Sebastian Bach considered original during his lifetime? Actually no. The style of music that he wrote in was old fashioned and amazingly the elder Bach he was not as popular as Handel, Telemann, or even his sons during the latter part of his life.

I could go on and on with examples of how composers and performers were not original during their time but it does not matter. Do you think the Beatles cared that their music was viewed as not original? Yes and no but did it stop them? No. They were hugely popular and as the 60s progressed they developed their own style that went from simple to extremely creative (there are countless books written about this). Do you think Bach in his latter years cared that he was writing in a style that was not current to the 1720-1740s? No. He was writing the music he loved and perfected the style that was natural to him and his sense of artistry.

Discussing that all music is original and no music is original is really about two things; artistic confidence and not caring.

When you write music you have to have to confidence to continue writing and know what you are creating is worthwhile. You also have to have the self-realization that everything you write is original at the same time nothing you write is original. It is only when you stop trying to be brilliant and focus on your craft, your art, and your self-expression, that is when you begin to discovering your own individual artistic originality.

You also have to not care within reason how people react to your art. People are notorious for criticising artistic endeavors. Experts and amateurs alike will give unsolicited, highly critical opinions without thinking twice about how it effects you. This is where you have to not care within reason. You have to have the confidence to know you are on the correct artistic path and know that some people will never like your music for some reason or the other. With that said, you do need others to help you sculpt your music because when you live it you are often too close to have a holistic perspective. Have someone who can give you honest and constructive criticism that will allow you to improve and make your music better.

Da capo. Just write and enjoy your music. Express yourself. Have confidence and do not worry about the naysayers.